Welcome to 2018! My new blog is at blog.oniciamuller.com
You'll find my new Onicia Updates, Hey Onicia, press clippings, Just Being Funny, and other content.
'Tis the season to dodge holiday music and focus on making plans for the next year. What? Too Scrooge?
This month I want to follow my fellow creative, Candice Lola and invite you to collaborate with me in 2018. You don't have to be a professional anything. Next year I'd love for you to continue sending me links to all the funny women. I love supporting women in comedy and film. Shoot me an email if you're thinking about creating something. I'm playing with video, audio, and writing all the pages. I can't neglect my type-A side. Send me all your software recommendations, productivity tools, or even a cleaning tip.
Be safe and happy holidays!
JBF: Crash Dummy (The Daily Herald)
I successfully swerved through the lanes and exited onto the hill with a steep incline. Watch out St. Maarten, Onicia is doing her driving exam.
Film Review: Mighty Ground (Indie Activity)
With the help of unlikely friendships along the way, a homeless songwriter tries to kick a hard-core crack addiction and escape the grisly streets of skid row via his love of music.
JBF: Never Netflix and Chill with Your Dentist (The Daily Herald)
After three years of neglect, I reunited with my medical love. I couldn't wait to tell Facebook "The dentist done changed since I was a kid. Netflix and chill, y'all!"
Tis' the season to be thankful. Last year I decided to publish a monthly newsletter because as an introvert (SURPRISE) social media becomes tiring and I needed a way to update the world on my trials and failures as a Caribbean writer and comedian who isfreezing my buns off in Chicago. (video byShanna Shrum)
I'm thankful that I've been consistent with my newsletter. (Thanks, L'Oreal!). I'm thankful for all of you who help me leave my house, book more shows, overcome my YouTube fears (Thanks, Sandy!), create dope ish (Thanks, Robin), and nourish my inner artists.
This month I'm super excited to share the preview of my Caribbean audio drama Sucker's Garden. This is a 5-year labor of love with my partner in Mexican crimes, Kimberly Meyers. Radio dramas were my gateway storytelling drug. I remember being so upset that my mom would fall asleep while reading bedtime stories. My world changed when she brought home the Alphabet Pals stories (cue angelic sounds). Through my teenage years, I enjoyed Your Story Hour and Unshackled before discovering to web series.
In November, The Stoop is having its final show for the year. Over the next few weeks, I'll be co-hosting House Mic, an open mic project with the hilarious Angelica Davila! (She has a dope money blog.)
Sooo, this year I considered doing a campaign for Forbes' 30 Under 30, but that's not gonna happen. Instead, I'd like you to nominate me forCaribbean Entertainment Magazine Readers' Choice Award. Deadline November 15, 2017.
Doing any holiday shopping? Support my art by using my Amazon affiliate link* (OniciaMuller.com/Amazon). Just click the link and shop away.
Thanks for the love and good vibes,
JBF: not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin
The Daily Herald
My rule: if I have to squint to see the strand while isolating it against my nail, it’s too thin to pluck. I guess dark skin privilege is the ability to be selective about which chin hairs you pluck. Now that we’ve bonded over that, I can tell you about my mustache.
Posh Hollywood might be a Scammer but I Love Her
A few months ago I was on YouTube looking to mind other people’s business when I stumbled across Ms. Posh Hollywood. Lord, grant me the confidence of Rudolph the golden-nosed reindeer to say, “F*** the haters! I’m following my dreams.”
JBF: bicycle test
The Daily Herald
I cracked open my notebook. How many of these parts did I already know? Pedal. Handle. Spoke. Those metal things have names? Aren't’ they just all part of the wheel? This is too much. I need to fake sick. I slouched in my seat and practiced my sick face.
Life Lessons with Dude That's Not What I Meant Podcast
Every week — heck, every day — someone somewhere is complaining that something they said was “taken out of context.” It can be politicians caught in a scandal or your cousin who continually posts relationship advice but hasn’t been in a healthy relationship since, well, never. Here are four life lessons from the Dude That’s Not What I Meant podcast.
Producer - House Mic (Chicago)
November 9, 14, and 29
Producer - The Stoop: Lily Be's Tamale Birthday Jam (Rosa's Lounge, Chicago)
Live lit, off-book storytelling
November 16, 2017
Storytelling - Louder Than A Mom (Martyr’s, Chicago)
November 20, 2017
The Plagiarists: Rip It Up (MATILDA-babyATLAS, Chicago)
November 21, 2017
*1 As an Amazon affiliate, at no cost to you, I earn a small commission on sales generated from my links. Be sure to click my link the same day you make your purchase. My commission expires after 24 hours.
"Storytelling is a compulsion, an urge, like having to pee. When we come up with a great idea, there is an immediate desire to share it ... But once we let it out, give in the compulsion to tell someone our idea, the urge is gone, or at the very least much diminished." - Transforming Reality
Consistency is scary. Just like back in my (super struggle) running days, somewhere along my 5K journey I'd desperately want to stop moving. I told myself to "just take one more step". Looking at my phone to calculate the remaining distance made me want to topple over and become one with the nearest patch of grass.
Mia's lesson from Transforming Reality is key to getting through many of my creative projects. Don't talk about it; just start. In the spirit of not letting perfection stop me, I launched a free resource page for how I stay on top of creative projects and my first installment of the Just Being Funny web series.
And now to wait for the Halloween candy to go on sale so I can replenish my stockpile.
Thanks for laughing with me and NOT at me. -- O
Storytelling - The Skewer (Cafe Mustashe, Chicago)
October 4, 2017
Catch the replay on Soundcloud. The Skewer is also looking for storytellers. Just shoot them a quick email.
Storytelling - Louder Than A Mom (Martyr's, Chicago)
November 20, 2017
Need a comedian with Caribbean flavor? Bookings[at]onciamuller[dot]com
Just Being Funny: He called dibs on my spit (The Daily Herald)
We were originally hyped to see a real Mexican bullfight. I was ready for some Loony Toons level shenanigans. Twenty minutes in, I decided to stop fronting and wear my glasses. My life instantly upgraded to HD vision and I had questions. Who cosigned using the red cloth to hide the stick from the bull? More importantly, who swapped the stick for a big ole sword? Where is PETA? How is everyone so chill watching murder?
How to pick up Asian Woman (Heaux)
6 tips from the YouTube web series where Asian American women review self-published books written by white men on how to pick up Asian women.
Just Being Funny: Fashionista on a budget
If you bend over and your booty cheeks pop out, this is not the thing that you need to be wearing. And don’t let them pressure you into buying something that's going to cut off circulation to your box. You don’t need to be a feature on “Untold Stories of the E.R.”! As I exited the dressing room, I mentally hyped myself for the most difficult part of this female bonding ritual.
Life Lessons from Dude That's Not What I Meant Podcast (HuffPost)
Every week — heck, every day — someone somewhere is complaining that something they said was “taken out of context.” This Chicago podcast shows you how NOT to pull your foot out of your mouth. Ha!
Oh yeah, Eva Green (a.k.a Soca Mom) created this wonderful resource "How Can You Help Those in the Caribbean Devastated by Hurricanes Harvey, Irma, and Maria?"
Y'all, it is JUNE! What have you been up to? After a few weekends in bed, the roommate and I are back on the streets and volunteering. This month, Ada Cheng is dedicating her June performances of Not Quite to raising funds for The Healing Corner.
Tweet me if you'd like two tickets to Ada's show. There are only three more performances!
The roommate and I enjoy volunteering with THC because their mission is simple: bring happiness to a corner that was recently marked with a bad memory. There are lots of organizations that give free hugs, but THC is one of the few going into -- and staying in -- communities that need hugs. They have conversations without secret agendas to convert people. They stand up to gangs by reclaiming street corners and parks. They give frightened neighbors the opportunity to see each other; to step out of their homes and form relationships. Everyone can be outside without fear. The children can play, and those who are grieving can be comforted without awkward pity and conversation. We want this work/magic to continue. Please consider donating to THC.
What causes do you support?
Just be a civil gospel music battle - The Daily Herald
Yeah, I got that good Christian hip-hop. Obviously, my speakers are superior and his Hillsong United can't drown out Jeremy Camp's Take My Life. People on the bus are utterly confused. My five friends joining me via Facebook Live are going wild. (I might be embellishing, but you have no proof). Yes, my first ever Facebook live stream was a gospel music battle on public transportation. I sure showed that guy!
3 Red Flags Freelancers Should Look Out For When Vetting Entertainers and Artists - BlackFreelance.com
The stereotype of performing artists is that we’re flaky and broke. For my own art, it’s hard to find collaborators who have money and discipline, but avoiding these three red flags helps me reduce my nightmare client body count. (Tweet this)
5 Reasons Pete Rose NEVER Gets In - Baseball Classics Magazine
Rose’s golden years should have followed with private and public appearances, selling autographed memorabilia, and publishing a best-selling autobiography. Instead, Baseball Commissioner A. Bartlett Giamatti confronted the Hit King with an investigation related to illegal gambling allegations. 5 reasons why Pete Rose will forever be banned from Major League Baseball’s Hall of Fame.
Fatimah Asghar and Sam Bailey of ‘Brown Girls’ Land HBO Development Deal - HollywoodsBlackRenaissance.com
This year continues to be an exciting one for women of color in entertainment. Creators of the wildly popular, Chicago-based web series Brown Girl announced via ELLE.com that writer Fatimah Asghar and director Sam Bailey inked a development deal with HBO. (Tweet this)
Just be a Mexican Yoghurt Thief - The Daily Herald
The coughing and choking sounds continued for longer than anticipated. Maniacal laughing changed to silence and wide-eyed stares. Did we unintentionally cross the line between harmless prank and criminal offense? Serving a ten-year prison sentence in Mexico was not the way I envisioned celebrating my twenty-third birthday.
If you would like to read my weekly humor column as they are published, please become a Daily Herald Subscriber. They pay writers!
I'm one year older and stubborn as ever!!! My birthday month was pretty busy. I ventured into the world of daily vlogs. It was an epic fail.
Despite having a great video editor and professional lights, I just sucked at being entertaining on camera. I also got pretty sick (bad food), received two rejection letters, and missed a film festival deadline. Boo! At the end of April, I managed to post 17 YouTube videos, booked 6 stand-up comedy and storytelling shows for May, and published my weekly humor column and other writing projects!
Thanks for reading, sharing, and all the good vibrations!
Shoutout to Shanna Shrum for creating this dope promo trailer. Shanna is a freelance video editor. If you have cell phone footage of your kids, corporate footage you want to impress the boss with or some random shots of your hairy ex-boyfriend that you want PAHTYFIED, just holla!
Healing Corner and Ada Cheng Collaborate to Build Community Through Storytelling - HuffPost (formerly The Huffington Post)
Chicago is a place with residents from diverse backgrounds. However, for many it doesn’t quite feel like home. To help more people find their space in the community, local performer Ada Cheng is dedicating June performances of her solo show to raising funds for The Healing Corner.
A Jamaican Book Thief - The Daily Herald
“Good luck with your project. I hope you make friends soon. Remember to return the book next week.” Glasses. Braces. A backpack weighed down by books. Many would be surprised to know that I regularly ditched class. Yes, I skipped class to read books at the library. Insert montage of everyone, who has ever known me saying, “You too fooly nuh gyal."
A French Translator - The Daily Herald
Every Caribbean person comes out the womb bilingual. My goal in life was to speak seven languages at least and maybe one day work as an interpreter at the United Nations. On my quest to mastering seven languages, I came across a little known tongue called Spanish. As a big-headed teenager, I believed French, Dutch, and English were the most important languages in the world. Spanish was not going to be a thing!
Baseball Classics Magazine
Are you a fan of Major League Baseball? I do copy editing for Baseball Classics Magazine. Inside each issue they reveal great insights and amazing facts about teams and players from 1901 to present! It’s FREE!
If you would like to read my weekly humor column as they are published, please become a Daily Herald Subscriber. They pay writers!
On April 24, I'll be performing at This One Woman. Hosted by Kyna Lenhof and Mary Lorenz, this monthly variety show shares comedy, storytelling, and music inspired by the life of a famous woman. This month they're celebrating funny woman Carol Burnett!
I'll be performing alongside Amy Sumpter, Justin Flowers, Kim Nelson, Luis Arevelo, Tamale Sepp, Charlotte Hamilton, Erin Conlon, and Angelica Julia Davila.
This One Woman
The Hopleaf (5148 N. Clark St.)
April 24 at 7:30pm
Follow them on Facebook and Twitter.
Comedy = Tragedy + Time
Just Be Funny is one part inspirational, two parts 'How, Sway? How?', and most importantly one part FUNNY. Thanks to the powers that be at The Daily Herald (subscribe today), we'll relive humorous, embarrassing, and unforgettable life moments. Please check back on my blog where I share additional words of wisdom/lifehacks*1 on how NOT to have similarly tragic experiences.
What do you think about this week's story? What should I write about next? Shout at me on Twitter.
1: Onicia makes no claim of actually being funny. She more of dark, dry, and possibly gross – she’s an acquired taste. That said, the thoughts expressed here are for entertainment purposes only. You are responsible for all your life choices. Onicia nor her homies at The Daily Herald are liable for anything you do. Remember: this is OniciaMuller.com and NOT RealAdviceForEverydayLiving.com.
I also say funny things on the stage!
- Like. Comment. Subscribe -
I can’t believe that October is almost over! (Honestly, I’m happy 2016 is ending; it’s been a straight dumpster fire.)
Thursday, October 13 at 7:30 pm
Under The Gun Theater (956 W Newport Ave)
My sketch ‘Ok Couple #14’ will be read alongside other writers who participated in NaSkeWriMo 2016. Read all 15 ‘OK Couple’ sketches.
Louder Than A Mom
Poetic Politics: Genre as Resistance in Citizen
Tuesday, October 18, 2016, at 6:00 PM
MacLean Ballroom (112 S. Michigan Ave.)
SAIC’S Department of Writing and the Diversity Advisory Group invited me to speak on a panel ‘Poetic Politics: Genre as Resistance in Citizen’ alongside Idris Goodwin.
Claudia Rankine’s Citizen: An American Lyric has defied the limitations of genre to garner praise and awards in poetry, criticism, and nonfiction categories. Fusing varied formats, images, and voices, Citizen explores resistance through both content and form. Presented by the Department of Writing, join SAIC alum Idris Goodwin for a special performance responding to Citizen and an open discussion on the concept of radical form and content and the staging of poetry as political resistance.
Idris Goodwin is an award-winning playwright, poet, and essayist and received his MFA in Writing in 2004 at SAIC. His plays include: How We Got On, This Is Modern Art co-written with Kevin Coval, And In This Corner: Cassius Clay and Bars and Measures He is the author of the Pushcart Prize-nominated essay collection These Are The Breaks. His words have appeared on HBO, Sesame Street, BBC radio, and Discovery Channel. He’s received support from the NEA, Ford Foundation, and awarded Oregon Shakespeare’s American History Cycle Commission and InterAct Theater’s 20/20 Prize. Goodwin is an Assistant Professor in The Department of Theatre and Dance at Colorado College. Read more are SAIC’s website.
The Healing Corner
Saturday, October 22, 2016, at 6:00 PM
Von Humboldt Elementary School (2620 W Hirsch St, Chicago, Illinois 60622)
The Healing Corner will be participating in a community organized all night event in Humboldt Park October 22nd. This will be our first time east of the park! Bring a tent, sleeping bag & blankets, flashlights & chairs. We are bringing s'mores! We are going to make a powerful statement this night because we will be camping out in front of the shuttered Von Humboldt school. This school was in great condition and had great programs before it was closed by the mayor's handpicked school board. Our tax dollars have been paying to keep the lights on there and pay for security for over 2 years! This space should be made available to the community. We will be educating community members on the dangers of privatizing public schools and why it's important to support an elected school board! ✊??✏️?
Check the Facebook event for the full schedule.
The Healing Corner is also collecting Halloween costumes.
The Stoop: Sheisty
Thursday, October 27, 2016 at 7:00 pm
Rosa's Lounge (3420 W Armitage Ave, Chicago)
We are raising funds for UMedics. Featured storytellers: David Pintor, Eliseo Real, and Carlos Diaz. The Stoop is always lit! October’s show is the last open mic for 2016. So, if you’ve been thinking about it, DO IT!
Use The Stoop’s PayPal.me to purchase $3 tickets in advance. Entry goes up to $5 at the door. If you arrive after 8 pm, you will be charged extra for the Blues Jam. Get all the details at the Facebook event.
Finally in November, we’re celebrating Lily Be’s birthday. I’m sharing a story around the theme “Ain’t Nothing To F*ck With”. It’s gonna be so great.
National Lawyers Guild Chicago’s Annual Dinner
Friday, November 11, 2016 at 6:30 pm
Irish American Heritage Center (4626 N. Knox Ave., Chicago)
NLG Chicago celebrates another year of victories and our activist community. At the 2016 Annual Dinner, we are honoring: Craig Futterman, Jamie Kalven, Samantha Liskow, Jon Loevy, Matt Topic, Ben Elson, Brandon Smith, and Sarah Gelsomino.
NLG Chicago represent progressive political movements, using the law to protect human rights above property interests and to attain social justice. If you can’t attend the dinner, please consider donating via their website. We also have a Facebook event.
It’s been a long 9 months, I’m really proud of the work we did this year. You should know that I created all the art work and designed their dinner website. I’m accepting projects for 2017, check out theservices I offer for artists and businesses.
Created in St. Maarten. Based in Chicago. I write, say funny things, and enjoy hanging with creative minds.
Here you'll find writing samples, videos of past performances, and off notes about my life as a writer.
When I'm not writing and performing, I help artists get organized. You should hire me to help you produce live events, promote your art, or manage resources so you can make the most of every opportunity.
Find Me Online
I like internet strangers. Just you know... be cool. Stalker, no stalking.